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Non-furry vtipy   (7500)
Mistnost pro furry vtipy tu uz mame, ale myslim, ze spousta z nas se dostane i ke peknym vtipkum s nonfurry tematikou. Tady budou vitany. A pokud se sem dostane i furry vtip, nebude mu braneno v ziti :>
Jedine o co prosim, je abyste to neprehaneli s diskusemi o vtipech.

Vstupem do teto mistnosti souhlasite s tim, ze perverzni, absurdni, černé, politicky nekorektní a nechutne vtipy jsou taky vtipy a maji pravo na zivot. Polemiky k tomuto tematu mazu.
 
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Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   13:18   13.09. 2005 
American hovori:

"Ja mám takú zenu, ze ked si sadne na kona, má nohy az po zem. Nie ze by
bol kôn taký malý, Ale také krásne, dlhé nohy má"

Francúz hovori:

"Ked ja obopnem moje prsty okolo pasu mojej zeny, prsty sa mi spoja. Nie
ze by som mal také velké ruky, ale taký tenký driek má moja zena."

A cigán hovori:

"Moja zena má taký zadok, ze ked jej po nom plesnem, este ked pridem z
roboty, sa trasie. Nie ze by mala taký velky zadok, ale ja tak skoro
pridem z roboty".

---

jeden pekny test osobnosti.. jen finalni verdikty jsou ponekud krute :]

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/personality
Poslat zprávu uživateli Vlk00
Vlk00      ---   08:28   13.09. 2005 
Ty citaty jsou naprosto bozske :>
Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   02:25   13.09. 2005 
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton Berle

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. George Burns

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was Water in the
carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." Henny Youngman

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt
her.

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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."

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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied,


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The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

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A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've
found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe.

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both
husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house
Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewellery.

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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute !!

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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   02:24   13.09. 2005 
Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   02:24   13.09. 2005 
JEJÍ deníček:

V sobotu večer se choval podivně. Chtěli jsme si jít někam sednout.
Byl naštvaný. Možná kvůli tomu, že jsem byla s kamarádkou celý den
po nákupech a přišla jsem pozdě. Skoro jsme nepromluvili, tak jsem
zkusila navrhnout jít někam jinam. Neprotestoval, ale přesto pořád
mlčel a byl duchem nepřítomný.
Když jsem se zeptala, co se děje, řekl jen: "Nic". Ptala jsem se ho,
jestli je naštvaný kvůli mně. Ale odpověděl, že to nemá se mnou
nic společného a že si nemám dělat starosti. Když už jsme jeli
domů, řekla jsem mu, že ho miluji, ale nevěnoval tomu pozornost.
Jednoduše nechápu, proč mi neřekl:
"Také Tě miluji". Když jsme došli domů, cítila jsem, že jsem ho
ztratila a že už se mnou nechce nic mít. Jen nepřítomně seděl a koukal do prázdna.
Pak
jsem si šla lehnout. Přišel o 10 minut později a k mému překvapení
zareagoval na mé něžnosti. Pak jsme se milovali. Avšak stále jsem měla
pocit, že je svými myšlenkami daleko ode mne. To bylo na mne příliš,
tak jsem se rozhodla, že si otevřeně promluvíme, ale on již spal.
Než jsem usnula, tak jsem plakala. Nevím, jak to půjde dál. Jsem si
skoro jista, že má jinou. Pak můj život nemá skoro žádný smysl.

JEHO deníček:

Sparta sice prohrála, ale večer jsme si prima zašukali.
Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   02:22   13.09. 2005 
komforni gril :)

Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   02:20   13.09. 2005 
Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   02:15   13.09. 2005 
Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   17:15   12.09. 2005 
Poslat zprávu uživateli minon
minon      ---   00:36   12.09. 2005 
Knez a australsky strihac ovci jsou v posledenim kole televizni souteze,
na body je to nerozhodne, o vitezi ma rozhodnout basen, kterou panove
slozi behem 5 minut s rymem na slovo "Timbuktu".

Po 5 minutach vystoupil kazatel:
I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu.

Publikum aplaudovalo a byl povazovan za viteze, ale pouze nez vystoupil nas strihac:

When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap
to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two...

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